5 tips on talking to your child about gun violence

Mass shooting tragedies are overwhelming to process, whether close to home or around the world. They can bring up intense feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, and even powerlessness or hopelessness. Another frequent response, especially as they happen more often, is to become desensitized or detached.

No family should live in fear of leaving their child at school, dropping them at a birthday party, or visiting a public space together. Kids of every age should be able to live in a world where they feel safe studying, celebrating, or just existing.

We are here to support every parent, child, and teen as they try to process gun violence as a family, especially when school, gatherings, and community events begin to feel like scary places.

1. First — check in on yourself

These events are traumatic for parents — full stop. It’s important for you to recognize and feel your emotions, especially before navigating a tough conversations with your child. Give yourself grace, and think about whether it’s time to take a break from social media, the news, or conversations with friends and colleagues. As much as you want to be informed, supporting your family means supporting your own wellbeing, too.

2. Create space for conversation when your child is ready

Your child might not be ready to talk about how they’re feeling right away. That’s okay. Make space to comfort them and ensure they feel safe — let them know that you are ready to talk when they are.

Start the conversation with open-ended, age-appropriate questions like, “What have you heard about the shooting that happened?” or “How can I make you feel comfortable or safe while we talk about this?” Allow them to talk as little or as much as they’re comfortable.

3. Speak directly about what has happened

It will probably feel uncomfortable, but it’s important to be direct about the reality of extreme violence. Kids are exposed to so much through a constant feed of social media, the news, and their peers.


Being sensitive to your child’s age is also key: You can support and educate younger kids with the language they may already know without being explicit or graphic. For older kids especially, remember that it’s likely they’ve already heard about the shooting on social media or through friends.

4. Reflect on what’s in your — and their — control

You and your child may feel fear or anxiety about attending school or social gatherings. You can validate their emotions by acknowledging the risk, and redirecting conversations to what they can control. Think of home safety or fire plans as an example — talk them through the steps they could take if something were to happen to help make them feel more secure and in control.

5. Normalize a reaction to traumatic events

You may see a change in your child’s behavior — and this is normal. When trauma is experienced, the body can begin to experience the fight-flight-or-freeze instinct, even without the presence of actual danger. Over time, those false alarms should naturally stop.


Make space for your child to naturally learn how to recover with your love and support. If after a month or so, you or your child are still experiencing disruptive emotions that are affecting your day-to-day life, talking to someone like a therapist can help rebuild trust, balance, and feelings of safety.