Could YOUR child be bullying others?

Could YOUR child be bullying others? 5 signs to spot and how to turn things around fast

It’s one of the hardest things a parent can hear: “Your child is bullying other kids.”

Take a breath; this isn’t about blame. It’s about behavior, not identity. And behaviors can change.

Kids who bully others aren’t “bad kids.” They’re kids trying to communicate, cope, or take control in ways that just aren’t working. And with the right support, they can learn healthier patterns.

Here are some tips on how to spot the signs, understand what’s driving the behavior, and help your child change course:

1. Get curious about your child’s moods, comments, friendships, and behavior 

Kids don’t always look like “a bully,” and you shouldn’t wait for an email from school to know what’s going on.

Here are common signs (many are also seen in kids who are victims. Remember, both sides hurt):

• Sudden irritability, anger, or aggressive outbursts
  
  

• Getting into trouble or picking fights
  
  

• Competitive to the point of blaming others constantly
  
  

• Struggling to focus; declining grades
  
  

• Stomachaches, headaches, or stress symptoms
  
  

• Loss of empathy, losing friends, or obsessing over popularity
  
  

• Defensive or evasive when asked simple questions

These behaviors don’t automatically mean your child is bullying, but they do mean it’s time to talk.

2. Remember there’s always a “why” behind the bullying behavior

If your child is bullying others, there’s a reason. They might be:

• Copying behavior they’ve seen online, at home, or at school
  
  

• Being bullied themselves
  
  

• Seeking attention (even negative attention)
  
  

• Naturally assertive and learning boundaries
  
  

• Navigating the “social ladder” and scared of falling
  
  

• Bowing to peer pressure
  
  

• Struggling to regulate impulses
  
  

• Missing skills around empathy

None of this excuses the behavior. But understanding why it’s happening is the first step to helping them stop.

3. Understand that punishment alone won’t change the behavior

Your child absolutely needs redirection, but they also need to be heard. Calling them “a bully”? That can make things worse. Punishing without understanding what’s driving their actions? That can shut them down or escalate their frustration.

Curiosity doesn’t mean you’re excusing the behavior. You’re helping them understand it, take responsibility, and learn healthier tools.

4. Have age appropriate steps your child can take

Younger kids often lack the foresight to understand how their actions impact others. They may not be trying to be cruel; they’re overwhelmed, copying what they’ve seen, or struggling with big emotions.

Help them learn differently by:

• Modeling kindness and regulation at home
  
  

• Using role-play with toys to show how actions make others feel
  
  

• Being specific about what you want to see (“Use kind words” “Include others when you play”)
  
  

• Setting clear behavior goals
  
  

• Reinforcing progress with praise, sticker charts, and rewards

Older kids benefit from reflection and collaboration. Start with curiosity, not accusation: “I’m surprised to hear you’ve been bullying someone. This doesn’t sound like you. Tell me what’s going on.”

Then:

• Give them a chance to explain how they’ve been feeling
  
  

• Normalize the emotions behind the behavior (anger, embarrassment, fear, pressure)
  
  

• Help them understand they always have choices
  
  

• Set clear, non-negotiable expectations (“Kind language,” “Hands to yourself,” “Walk away when you feel the urge to lash out”)
  
  

• Collaborate on behavior goals
  
  

• Reinforce progress with genuine praise and rewards; positive reinforcement focuses on the behavior you want to see, instead of what behaviors to stop
  
  

• Use consequences when needed (especially for safety), but keep them consistent, calm, and purposeful

5. Support is available — don’t hesitate to call it in when you need it

If your child is bullying others, they shouldn’t feel shame. Neither should you. 

A therapist can help your child:

• Understand what’s driving the behavior and address it
  
  

• Build empathy and emotional regulation
  
  

• Learn healthier social skills
  
  

• Repair relationships
  
  

• Break patterns before they escalate

And if the behavior is severe, persistent, or tied to deeper challenges, therapy can help assess and address any underlying clinical needs. Yes, bullying is a warning sign — it’s also an opportunity for real growth.