Friends, foes, and the silent unfollow

Friends, foes, and the silent unfollow: How to help your child navigate ghosting, bullying, and online friendships

All kids want the same thing: to feel accepted, included, and valued. But making and keeping friends isn’t easy for every child. Isolation, low self-esteem, social anxiety, or personality challenges can all make friendships feel complicated, or completely overwhelming.

So what do you do when your child keeps getting ghosted, relies only on online “friends,” or is the one doing the bullying?

Let’s break it down.

When your child keeps getting ghosted

Ghosting hits hard. One day the messages stop, the invites dry up, and your child is left staring at unanswered texts and even more unanswered questions: What did I do wrong? Is something wrong with me? Are they talking about me instead of to me?

Here’s the truth your child needs to hear: ghosting says more about the ghost than the person left behind. Many kids — and adults — avoid conflict and difficult conversations. But knowing this doesn’t magically heal the sting.

Here’s how you can help:

• Comfort them. Validate the loneliness and confusion.
  
  

• Teach emotional awareness and accountability: what they feel, what they can control, and what they can’t.
  
  

• Encourage open conversations, even messy ones.
  
  

• Remind them they are loved, appreciated, and worthy of real, reciprocal friendships.

If ghosting becomes a pattern, it can damage trust and self-esteem, and that’s when deeper support might help.

When your child claims their “real friends” are all online

Today’s kids are digital natives. They’ve grown up swiping, tapping, messaging, gaming, and video-chatting — it’s a large part of both their personal life and their school experience.

So it’s no longer unfathomable that your child might feel closer to someone halfway across the world than the classmate sitting five desks away.

But if online friends start replacing real-life interactions, it’s worth understanding why.

Ask yourself:

• Are they being bullied or judged at school?
  
  

• Do they struggle in social settings, feel out of place, or have niche interests their peers don’t share?
  
  

• Are online spaces the only place they feel “seen”?

You’re not trying to shut down their online friendships — you’re trying to understand and help them build balance.

Try this:

• Get involved: know who they talk to, what platforms they use, and set boundaries for safety.
  
  

• Help them merge online passions with real, tangible life: find school clubs, local groups, or consider starting one with a counselor’s support.
  
  

• Boost their confidence in face-to-face conversations by practicing small interactions and celebrating small wins.

When your child is the one bullying

Kids who bully aren’t inherently “bad.” Often, they’re hurting, insecure, seeking attention, or copying behavior they’ve seen elsewhere. Sometimes kids who were bullied become bullies themselves.

Here’s how to intervene in a way that actually helps:

1. Start with conversation, not accusation

Ask open-ended questions. Let them share their version of events. If they shut down or get defensive, talk to teachers, counselors, or other parents for more context.

2. Set expectations and consequences

If they admit to the behavior, talk about empathy. Walk them through what it feels like to be embarrassed, excluded, or hurt. Make sure consequences are clear, consistent, and tied to repairing the harm, including apologizing to the child who was targeted.

3. Model the behavior you want to see

Kids mirror what they experience. If your home is rooted in kindness, forgiveness, and open communication, they’re more likely to carry that out into the world.