Is your child refusing school?

Some kids leap out of bed ready for school. Others would trade dessert for a month just to stay home. For some, school feels overwhelming — academics, social pressure, or safety worries can make every morning a battle.

If your child is avoiding school, here’s a clear roadmap to help them navigate fear, anxiety, and resistance, and get back into the classroom with confidence.

Step 1: Make sure your child is safe

First things first: rule out real dangers.

• Are they being bullied?
  
  
  

• Is a teacher, classmate, or teammate causing problems?
  
  
  

• Are there actual threats to safety?

If yes, your first priority is addressing those issues. Work with teachers, counselors, or school administrators. Avoidance is natural when safety is at stake.

Step 2: Get curious

If safety isn’t the issue, dig deeper. Put on your detective hat and ask open-ended questions to uncover the “why.”

• Anxiety or fear: “I notice you feel nervous about school. Can we talk about what’s worrying you?”

• Fatigue or illness: “You’re tired. What if we try going to bed a bit earlier this week?” *If your child is experiencing chronic pain or fatigue beyond what might come along with worry or sadness, it’s important to check in with your pediatrician.

• Home is more appealing: Too many perks at home can reinforce avoidance. Keep routines and learning consistent with school hours — no extra screen time, lunch treats, or PJ days.

Remember: the more your child practices avoiding school, the stronger the habit becomes, so small steps forward are key.

Step 3: Practice makes progress

Your child can learn they don’t need to wait to feel brave — they can act despite anxious thoughts. That’s where growth happens.

• Teach them to distinguish truth from worry: “Does everyone truly hate you, or is it just one person who isn’t being kind?”

• Brainstorm solutions together: Bring a familiar friend to lunch, sit near a favorite teacher, or even bring a comfort item from home.

• Start small and build: Each tiny step is a victory.

Step 4: Face what’s hard and reward brave steps

When your child tackles tough moments, your role is threefold:

One, validate emotions: “I see this is scary for you.”

Two, express confidence: “I know you can try. Let’s make a plan together.”

Three, reward effort: Age-appropriate incentives reinforce a good try, whether it’s extra screen time, a favorite snack, or a special outing.

Even small wins matter. Celebrate the effort, without expecting perfect results.

Step 5: Find a sustainable pace

If school resistance or avoidance has been going on for a while, consider taking it slow. Overloading your child can backfire. Instead, create manageable steps and breaks to avoid burnout.

As an example, for an elementary school-aged child who is experiencing severe avoidance (not going to school at all), here’s what those small positive steps might look like:

• Drive them to school and sit in the parking lot reading for 30 minutes, gradually increasing to an hour.

• Walk onto campus.

• Work in the office or meet the teacher.

• Slowly integrate into class.

Consistency + pacing = steady progress.

Step 6: Check in (again and again)

After each attempt, ask open-ended questions:

• “How did it go?”

• “How did it feel to be in class?”
  
  
  

• “What’s one small thing that went right today?”

Even if it was tough, reinforce that they tried and made it through. Success isn’t about perfection, it’s about facing fear and learning resilience.

Big picture

Avoiding tough situations doesn’t make problems disappear. Facing challenges builds confidence, teaches coping skills, and shows your child they’re stronger than anxious thoughts.

Your child can do this, and so can you.