For families

Decoding (and handling) your child's big behaviors

Kids

Mental Health

Parenting

By Brightline, Dec 6, 2025

Phase or problem? How to decode (and handle) your child’s big behaviors

You know your child better than anyone. You can read their hunger cues, anticipate their bedtime crash, and pull out the perfect joke to make them grin.

But knowing whether a behavior is just a phase or a real issue that needs attention? That’s trickier.

Kids grow fast, sometimes faster than you can adjust. One moment a behavior feels endless; the next, it disappears overnight. So how do you know when to ride it out and when to get help?

Start by getting familiar with developmental milestones. Read up, talk to your pediatrician, ask other parents, and check in with your Brightline team. Sharing what you’re seeing can help you figure out if what’s happening is expected or a sign you need more support.

In the meantime, here are signs to watch for and tools you can try right away.

Tantrums & hitting: What’s your child really trying to say?

All behavior — the ones you love and the ones you’d give anything to skip — is communication. So get curious:

What’s the function of the tantrum?

What emotion is your child trying to express?

What do they want as a result of the outburst?

Why choose hitting or screaming instead of words?

Why do they want your attention right now?

Then look for patterns. Do meltdowns flare up before bedtime? After school? When routines fall apart? Right before drop off?

If you can track the triggers, you can start predicting what your child needs before things explode.

When frustration or outbursts seem connected to low structure or lack of focused attention, consider trying this:

Emotion education: Watch YouTube videos, look at emotion charts, or read books about big feelings. Help your child name what’s happening inside their body.

More structure: Consistency gives kids a sense of safety — and helps them regulate faster.

Teach a replacement behavior: Show them what to do instead of the old habit. Role-play it. Use stuffed animals. Make it fun. Reinforce it with simple, age-appropriate rewards and consequences.
Look inside: When you are busy and overcommitted, you might be moving a million miles a minute. Be open to recognizing when a cry for attention is real. Try carving out dedicated, unplugged, focused time with your child each day and see if that fills their attention bucket a bit more. (Yours, too.)

When it might be more than a phase

If any of the following show up twice a week for at least three months, it’s time to reach out for help:

Your child is hurting themselves or damaging things during outbursts

Tantrums are extremely long or intense compared to the trigger

Their behavior is impacting school, friendships, or sibling relationships

Separation anxiety: Helping your child grow their wings

It’s totally normal for kids — and parents — to feel nervous about time apart. Independence builds slowly, and that’s healthy.

Here are five ways to support your child as they practice being away from home, using school as an example:

Prep in advance: Tour the school, meet the teacher, drive by the building, or read books like The Kissing Hand or The Invisible String.
Send a piece of home: A note, a photo of the family dog, or a small keepsake can make a huge emotional difference.
Check your own energy: Kids absorb our emotions. Even if you’re anxious, show confidence — it helps them borrow it.
Create a transition task: Coordinate with a teacher so your child has something to do right away — like delivering a note or starting an activity.
Motivate with praise: Track successful days with a chart and offer small rewards like extra playtime or a special after-school treat.