Want kinder kids? Start by being kinder to yourself

Kids notice everything. Your tone. Your reactions. The way you talk to yourself after a tough day. And they don’t just notice, they repeat. 

When you model self-compassion instead of self-criticism, you give yourself — and your kids — a powerful mental health boost. The good news? You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be intentional.

Here’s how to practice self-compassion in ways that teaches it to your kids, too.

Name your feelings out loud

It’s okay to not be okay. It feels good to acknowledge your feelings out loud. And when you explain your feelings in an age-appropriate way, you also show kids how to talk about their own emotions instead of stuffing them down or being controlled by them. Bonus: Explaining your feelings helps your child avoid misinterpreting your mood, and assuming it’s their fault.

Practice gratitude in real time

Positivity isn’t a personality trait, it’s a skill. Saying what you’re grateful for (yes, even that first cup of coffee) trains your brain to notice the good. When you say it out loud, your kids learn to do it too.

Treat self-care like a priority, not a prize

Self-care shouldn’t be something you earn after finishing your to-do list. When you prioritize what helps you feel like your best self — rest, movement, connection — you teach kids that their needs matter too.

Show them how to forgive yourself

Mistakes happen. Plans fall apart. That’s life. Instead of holding on to whatever went wrong, model self-forgiveness. Talk about focusing on progress, learning, and moving forward. Kids learn how to bounce back (and that it’s possible) when they see you practice it.

Try new things (and mess up)

Learning something new teaches curiosity, courage, and resilience. You won’t be good at everything, and that’s the point. Let your kids see you try, struggle, and keep going anyway.

Build emotional awareness together

Emotions don’t just live in your head — they show up in your body. Racing heart. Tight shoulders. Butterflies in your stomach. When you notice and name these sensations, you help kids connect feelings to physical cues and understand themselves better.

When things feel hard

You don’t need to be upbeat all the time. Self-compassion is about honesty, not toxic positivity. If you’re having a rough day, say so. Let your kids see you cope, adjust, and move through it.

And remember: breathing exercises and mindfulness help, but sometimes the real work is changing what’s causing the stress. Talking it through with a trusted friend or therapist can make a big difference.

The takeaway

Being kind to yourself isn’t selfish, it’s instructive. When you practice self-compassion, your kids learn to treat themselves with patience, understanding, and care. And that lesson can last a lifetime.