When families change: Helping kids navigate divorce

Divorce is one of the toughest transitions a family can face. As a parent, you have to navigate the situation and your own complex emotions. Which can make telling your kids about it feel overwhelming. 

There’s no perfect script, but there are ways to make the conversation more gentle, clear, and supportive. 

In this article we’re breaking down what divorce can feel like for kids, what to expect, and how to guide them through it with care.

The conversation that matters most

There’s rarely a “right” time to tell your kids you’re getting divorced. What matters most is how you tell them, and that you and your partner are aligned before you do.

Before you talk:

• Decide to tell your kids first, before extended family or friends hear the news.
  
  
  

• Make sure both parents agree on what will (and won’t) be shared.
  
  
  

• Choose a calm, unrushed moment in the day.
  
  
  

• If it’s possible to do so, tell your kids at the same time, so they hear the same message.

During the conversation:

• Keep your tone calm, grounded, and empathetic.
  
  
  

• Avoid blame or criticism of the other parent.
  
  
  

• Stick to age-appropriate explanations — emotional details about betrayal or hurt feelings can be confusing for kids.
  
  
  

• Reassure your child that they are loved (no other relationship or living situation will change that) and that the divorce is not their job to fix.

Expect big questions like:

“Do you still love me?”

“Is this my fault?”

“What’s going to change?”

As best as you can, answer honestly, simply, and with reassurance. And remember: showing emotion is okay. If you get teary, that’s human, and it models emotional honesty for your kids.

The feelings (and there will be many)

There’s no “right” reaction to divorce. Kids may feel confused, sad, angry, relieved, embarrassed — or nothing at all at first. Feelings can change day to day, for you and for your child. 

What helps most?

• Letting all emotions exist without rushing kids to “feel better”
  
  
  

• Keeping a respectful co-parenting relationship
  
  
  

• Avoiding negative talk about the other parent, which can slow kids’ healing

The next steps kids care about most

Uncertainty fuels anxiety. As much as possible, come prepared with answers, or honesty about what you don’t know yet.

Talk with your kids about:

• Where they’ll live
  
  
  

• How time with each parent will work
  
  
  

• Whether school or routines will change

If details aren’t settled, say so — and promise to keep them updated. Knowing you’ll keep communicating builds trust.

Life outside the family “bubble”

Eventually, others will find out about your news — including friends, teachers, and classmates. It can feel complicated and difficult to navigate a big, emotional change like this in view of other people. You can help your child feel prepared.

• Encourage them to share only what feels comfortable.
  
  
  

• Practice responses to questions they might get.
  
  
  

• Respect their choice if they don’t want to talk about it at all.

Helping kids through the transition

Even with preparation, there’s no getting around it — this change is hard. What kids need most right now is stability and connection. Do your best to:

• Keep routines as consistent as possible
  
  
  

• Make space for all emotions—positive and negative
  
  
  

• Check in regularly with open-ended questions, like:
  
  

  • What feels different lately?
    
    

  • What worries you most right now?
    
    

  • Who do you talk to about the divorce?

Divorce dos and don’ts

Do

• Reassure kids they are loved no matter what — and that this isn’t their fault
  
  
  

• Validate their feelings, even when they’re hard to hear
  
  
  

• Communicate respectfully with your co-parent
  
  
  

• Keep checking in over time

Don’t

• Put kids in the middle or ask them to pass messages
  
  
  

• Speak negatively about the other parent
  
  
  

• Start hard conversations before bed or during a rushed or emotional moment
  
  
  

• Expect kids to “bounce back” on your timeline

The big takeaway

Divorce is a big change. With honesty, consistency, and emotional support, kids can adapt and grow through it. Kids are more resilient when they feel safe, heard, and loved.

If your family needs extra support during this transition, talking to a therapist who specializes in supporting kids, teens, and families through major life changes can help.